Last post

It's been a busy few days with little time for writing. Tomorrow, Saturday, is our last full day here - we leave Sunday morning.

On Tuesday I went to visit Rutie Atsmon from Windows (http://www.win-peace.org/). I have known Rutie for about 7 years; she is an absolutely amazing woman who runs Windows (she was one of the people featured in Encounter Point). One of the things I spoke with her about is how she lives here, how she stays sane etc, esp bringing up two kids here. Of course she admits that this is not easy. She said that she could not stay here if she was not doing the work she does, and that even though she realizes that it is a drop in the bucket, every drop counts and every drop helps and doing what she and everyone at Windows does it what keeps her sane and functioning. She also said that at times she feels very alone and isolated. Windows is a truly special organization and I am glad to hear that they have been more successful in their fundraising and have recently received budget from the EU to move to a bigger office (they are working out of a tiny space) and to hire a full time fundraiser. Hearing this of course only added to my great feelings of ambivilence towards ever living here, as of course this would be a dream job for me! (For those who do not know, I am a professional fundraiser).

Wednesday morning I took Golan, my 12 year old son, to Jerusalem where we first visited Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Memorial Museum. I have not been there in probably 25 years. It was, obviously, a very difficult morning. It was very crowded and we had to stand behind lots of groups of visitors. We ended up getting stuck for quite some time at the section where they described some of the medical experimentation on Jewish prisoners. This included cutting out muscles and bones on Jewish womens' legs to test different medications; placing Jews in ice-baths for up to 90 minutes at a time to test ways of warming up a human body; hanging Jews in parachute-like apparatuses and depriving them of oxygen to see how long it would take for damage to occur. The human capacity for doing evil is truly astounding and sickening.

Being at Yad Vashem really reminded me of the incredible importance of Israel for Jews and how huge an impact the Holocaust has had on Jewish people. A friend of mine told me that he has a problem with Holocaust memorials bc it focuses too much on victims who are gone and not on people who are in the here and now. I understand his perspective but I disagree with him. Remembering what was should help us focus on the here and now and build a better world. This is, unfortunately, where the gap is. Look all around us.

After Yad Vashem, my friend Ram Rahat, a Yesh Gvul activist (http://www.yeshgvul.org/) took us to see the wall in three places. The first was in Abu Dis, a suburb of Jerusalem. We got very close and by mistake we ended up at a place called the Zeitim (Olives) Terminal. The 'terminal' is a new name for the checkpoints. It sounds so nice, like you're going on a trip with Air Canada out of Terminal 3 at Pearson International Airport. The terminals are huge complexes which look like little military posts. They are completely gated. The women from Machsom Watch cannot view what is going on anymore. We also saw the wall from just outside Bethlehem. However what was really interesting was to see the settlements of Har Homa and Gilo. Picture a big 'U'. At the upper right are Sur Baher and Umm Tuba, Palestinian suburbs of Jerusalem. Then going down the U is Beit Sahour, Bethlehem and Beit Jalla - all Palestinian neighbourhoods/towns/cities that flow naturally into one another and are very close to each other. Now picture Har Homa and Gilo as two settlements that have completely cut these towns off from each other. I have not been to this part of the West Bank since my army service (my head base was it Beit Sahour). It was very depressing to see this.

After visiting Abu Dis, Ram got lost and we ended up going in the wrong direction, past Maale Adumim, another settlement. I could not belive how HUGE it is. You cannot imagine. On the way back into Jerusalem we had to go through a checkpoint, which was really quite bizarre bc this road is really a "Jewish only" road (and what a road, beautiful). Palestinians (from the West Bank) are not allowed to use this road, except for a few taxis. This road is meant for the people of Maale Adumim as a convenient way to get into Jerusalem.

From Jerusalem we went to visit friends in the Tel Aviv area. It was a lovely evening, but sort of surreal after that heavy day. I did not tell them where we had been (other than Yad Vashem). I wonder how much I could handle not talking about it. The whole evening nobody talked politics. Last night my sister had all her girlfriends over and nobody talked politics. Tonight we went out with friends of hers and again - no politics. Is it a topic that people are avoiding around me bc they know my opinions? Or are people just tired of politics? I think (I know) it is the latter. And I find it so amazing that people live with all this going on aroudn them and don't talk about it. Again - the bubble. If you had to deal with this every day you'd go insane.

It's funny, I have heard several people say they don't watch the news, or read newspapers or talk politics bc it makes them crazy and they are just much calmer when they don't know. How nice to have the choice. The Palestinians cannot turn off the occupation by switching off the cable. We have the choice of tuning out so we can stay sane. But you cannot tune out your house being bulldozed. You cannot tune out a monstrosity of a wall cutting through your backyard. You cannot tune out arrests and curfews. And for sure you cannot stay sane. Wow, I must be so smart in order to have figured this out.

One last thing before I end. Tonight we ate at a restaurant in old Jaffa. It was in what was obviously an old, impressive Arab building. At one point I asked the waiter if he knew the history of the building. He told me it had been built during the Ottoman era and at one point had been used as an Officers' Club for British Soldiers as well as a commercial building. Nobody else at the table was really interested (or perhaps they did not hear me). But it is so important to remember, and to keep the memories of the history alive. This history is also a victim of tragedy, and we have to bear witness. It is not likely that this building will ever return to its former owners. But we have to at least remember where this building came from and remember its' former name. (Note: in case it's not obvious, I'm talking about all buildings, villages etc :) )

It must be 2am now. I'm tired. Tomorrow is another long day.
Thanks again so much to everyone who took the time to comment or send me an email. Your responses overwhelmed me (in the good sense!). Thank you for giving me the space to share this difficult time with you and for listening. Knowing that someone is 'listening' has made this a lot easier.

This will be my last post, but I hope to put some pictures up in the coming days (the camera cable is back home). I'll send out a link.

Let's hope for some miracles in 2008.

Day 7 - continued (a very long one)

So here I am again, the second time I am making two posts in one day.
I had a really difficult day today, I think because for the first time I was not running around except to have lunch with a friend, so I was not very busy, thus leaving me more time to think. Second, a number of comments to my posting of this morning left me feeling...unbent. Not because I disagree with anything that people said. But rather because I agree with everything they said, and it reflects how difficult and layered the situation is.

Before I start, I want to thank those of you who took the time to respond and comment. I am amazed that there is even one person who wants to read this, let alone a whole bunch of you. I also want to reiterate that this blog is just my scattered thoughts and observations. I am putting into words what I am seeing and feeling, and so it's not meant to be an in-depth analysis in any way shape or form.

Having said that, a couple of you made comments to me that were very important (I will paste some of them anonymously below), pointing out things that I know but that I did not mention in my previous post bc they were not part of the conversation I was recapitulating (is that an English word?) or part of my train of thought at that moment.

Now some touchy feely stuff. One of the reasons I sort of lost it today was because I feel like I have to apologize. I sometimes feel I owe an apology to everyone. I feel like I have to apologize to the Jews and Israelis for being pro-Palestinian. I feel like I have to apologize to the Palestinians for saying good things about Israel. I feel guilty saying good things about Israel, like I have been caught doing something forbidden. I feel guilt at being here on vacation and not going to demonstrations and engaging in activism (as if once in a decade I'm not entitled).

Earlier today I went for a long walk feeling very melancholic. I walked through my old neighbourhood and went into some of the stores I used to shop in (as well as some of the beautiful new ones that were not there when I lived here). I walked past beautiful houses that I could never afford in a million years. And as I was walking and thinking (very guiltily) about maybe I would live here again one day, I started to ask myself: Can I not just live like everyone else? Can't I just live a regular life in a house with my kids and go to work and visit friends and do karate and buy new boots - and not feel guilty? Can't I just be NORMAL like everyone else around me???? What do I need this for? Why am I not entitled to just live my life worrying about me and mine and not worry about other things that for the most part are out of my control? Why this need to be involved??? Life would be so much easier if I was just Plain Jane.

It comes back to the bubble. Can someone live here and enjoy all the good things about Israel and at the same time be a political activist and not go crazy?? There is evidence that indicates that this is possible :) There are a lot of activists who live here and stay here and are quite sane as far as I can tell. Could I? I really do not know. I know for sure that these visits are fucking hard, and really the reason I stopped coming for so long. Perhaps in time one develops an immunity to all this. But all I can say is that at the moment, I don't want to come back bc this is just too exhausting.

And now I feel guilty again bc here I am talking about how hard this all is on me and meantime, 15 minutes away from here and all over the country (and all over the world)...well, you know.

I'll make a great Jewish grandmother, with all this guilt. Oy.

Now for some of the comments that were sent to me today. I will also comment on the comments - hey, it's my blog! :)

1. "There has always been a Jewish presence there [in Jerusalem] with many Jewish areas...it [my comment] doesn't refer to the continous Jewish life in Jerusalem over the milennia." This is of course true, and not only of Jerusalem, but of all of Israel. There were always Jews here. As I mentioned above, what I was trying to convey was not an accurate historical account, but a snapshot of what is going thru my mind. Everywhere you look you are reminded (if you want to see it, that is) of what used to be here. And in Jerusalem this is even more so bc of the architecture, the population, the religious sites, the division of the city... I just find myself asking myself ' who used to live here? where are they now? What was this town called before 1948?'. I don't know why I don't have the same reaction at home in Canada, where we could be asking the very same questions. How many of us know which Native Canadian tribe/tribes inhabited our area? And even if we do know the name of the tribe, what do we know about them? How did they used to live? Where are they now? What has happened to them, their culture, their societies? Another bubble, I guess - but for some reason one I am capable of living within.
2. "Israel is a country that relatively quickly shifted from a liberal-welfare state to one of the most blatant swinish capitalisms in the Western worlds.
   As a result, a very narrow strata of people have become amazingly rich. On the other hand, a vast majority of the population at the bottom of the socio-economic scale are decidedly poor by Western World standards.
   Moreover, the middle class is gradually shrinking, some say, not so gradually.
   The educational system is disintegrating and is now positioned at the very end of the Western World. The health system is in the same position. It is really difficult to survive today in Israel without private health insurance. As to the social safety net, it survives only on life support systems.
   I could go and and on, but I won't, I just want to add that all these Wonderful" things are happening to a small country that is getting approximately 5-6 billion dollars per year from the US and World Jewry. At the same time, do you know where does most of the income that Israel garners out of foreign trade come from? You may know or you may have guessed, Arms sales. Israel is the fourth largest arms trader in the world. It sells arms to some of the darkest regimes in the world." This is another of the comments I got following today's email. Yes, the gap between rich and poor is obscene. What is going on in the middle of the country, and in particular in the areas of northern Tel Aviv, is not typical of what is going on everywhere. As I mentioned the other day, my friend told me that there is not a single park in Nazareth. I have to admit that my life here does not revolve around the poorest of the poor of Israel. Although far from wealthy, I consider myself privileged. Today I went to visit my friend at the high-tech company where I used to work and where we met. She is a secretary. When I came home, my sister told me that her husband is friends with the new CEO. So while she is obviously running in certain circles, these are not the circles I run in. We were in Beer Sheva this Saturday - there too there is unbelieveable change and expansion. I would also like to add - and this too is my personal observation, not based on any studies of the situation - that there appears to be an awful lot of investing by foreigners from all over, in industries such as the high tech industries. One of them, just as an example, is green technology around water conservation, an area that has developed out of simple need, not any altruistic reasons. I am not in any way denying the above, but I sense that it is somewhat nuanced. I also wanted to include it bc one of the questions that was asked was: "Where is the money coming from to create "the boom" you describe?"
3. "The comparison between Sderot and Gaza doesn't really hinge only on the occupation and the atrocities it perpetuates on a daily basis. Things that anywhere else in the world would be considered major war crimes and gross violations of the Geneva Convention. The main thing is that Israel is killing Gazans on a daily basis. Fourty, during the past two weeks alone. Of course, if you believe Israel, they kill only militants and regrettably, a few collateral damage cases. Right after the abduction of Gilad Shalit, Israel killed over 400 people in Gaza (in one month), the vast majority, innocent civilians. On the other hand, the total number of fatalities not only in Sderot but also all around the Gaza border is about six. Enough said." You see? This is why I feel so guilty all the time!!!!!!!! I wanted to include this comment bc it is intense and needs to be stated and re-stated. The comparison, however, was just made as part of the conversation that was taking place and that I was describing to you. For the record, the person who made this comment (and the one before it) is a walking encyclopedia. If you ever need to know anything about the Arab-Israeli conflict, he's your man! :) Big hug to you.

OK, this is really long, but I feel better having written it - not that it solves my difficulty but it gets things off my chest. So again, thank you all for reading and for commenting. I really appreciate it.

Merry Christmas, to those who celebrate it.

Thanks also for the snow updates. Lots of conflicting information about which streets have been plowed (or rather, not plowed!). It seems however that our friends in Toronto are almost set to watch the crocuses come up!!!

Day...7, I think

We've been quite busy the past couple of days.
On Friday we went to Jerusalem. We were the four of us and my sister, her husband and their kids (two cars).

I always have this sense of 'none of this belongs to us / belonged to us' here. That every old house, every piece of land...everything used to belong to someone else before 1948 and 1967. Nowhere is this more evident than in Jerusalem, where so much is old. Beautiful old Palestinian homes, many of them rennovated - they are simply outstanding. And yet there is something so grotesquely (sp?) wrong about admiring them, and of course something sickening about who is living in them.

I get the sense that there is nobody else in the country who thinks about this. When I say something, I get blank stares or an argument - so I usually shut up. Nobody wants to hear it, and nobody understands what the big deal is anyways. People have simply forgotten the past. How convenient.

There is an amazing organization here called Zochrot (www.nakbainhebrew.org) and they do tours to towns and neighbourhoods that used to be Palestinian, and then post signs indicating the former name of the town/area etc. Generally the signs are removed immediately after they are posted...but they are really trying to make people remember the history. Unfortunately I think it is a very small number of people that take advantage of these tours.

Yesterday, Saturday, we went to the Dead Sea. The weather was great and we had a really nice family day. I cannot get over what the roads are like. Everywhere you look they are building new roads, bridges, overpasses...it is unbelieveable. There is such a boom going on here. On the way home we were talking about this 'bubble' and my husband said that at some point is has to burst bc people are going to get tired of the situation. And I said 'you know what? I dont think so. Look around you. What exactly about this situation is there to get tired of? The Arabs are living 'somewhere else'; unless there is a suicide bombing, people don't give a second thought to the Palestinians in the Territories; life is great, the weather is great, social life is great...why on EARTH would they want to change anything at all about their life here?????'
Is this part of the master plan? Turn this country into such a great place to live for the Jews that they really will never think twice about the Arabs and so the situation will never change???

And for those whose life is not so great, there is still a blindness. For example, they talk about the rockets that are being fired at Sderot from Gaza. Someone said to me 'imagine if people in Sderot suddenly decided to shoot rockets at Gaza - what would the world say?' Hellooooo - are the people of Sderot under a military occupation? Are they fighting for their land?

I just cannot wrap my mind around this.

OK - off to meet some friends.
Please, someone, tell me the streets in Montreal have been plowed.

Day 4

Well, basically what I have been doing for the past two days is eating.

We started out at friends in Nazareth yesterday and were invited to eat at her mother's house. Her mother is one of the best cooks I have ever met and we ate until we could simply not move. Phew - so much food, handmade down to the last crumb. Our older son Golan slept over with our friends (they have kids his age), and it was nice to see them getting along in spite of the language barrier. Golan understands quite a bit of Hebrew, and Fauzi understands a bit of Hebrew and speaks a bit of English...I guess nobody needs a common language when it comes to kids playing.

We should learn our lesson.

It was funny to hear the reaction from a couple of people when we said that Golan was staying in Nazareth overnight: an incredulous "WHAT????" It is sad that there is such a separation here, within the country itself (not talking about the OT's) when in the end we live side by side, eat the same foods, speak a language that is almost identical.... and yet we put up these barriers - and these barriers are put up.

Her sister works for an organization based in New Mexico that brings Israeli and Palestinian girls together for 3 weeks in the US (somewhat like Seeds of Peace).

This morning we drove back to Nazareth and then from there to Umm al Fahm, where we were invited to celebrate Eid. And of course more food...omygod, you can't believe how much food. Said is the co-founder and director of the Umm al Fahm Art Gallery, which is internationally renowned for its joint Arab-Jewish initiatives and exhibits. Probably most famous was an exhibit of Yoko Ono's work some 10 years back. http://www.umelfahemgallery.org/about.html

Said is in the process of adding to this gallery a museum which will focus on the lost history and culture of the area. This is a big initiative, and the competition for the architect is taking place now. There were over 120 submissions from architects all over the world. The hope is that this museum will help Umm al Fahm go from town that nobody's heard of to a place where people go to learn.

It's difficult seeing the difference between the Arab towns and the Jewish ones. Especially when the Jewish town I'm staying in and used to live in is an 'upper class' town. Our friends in Nazareth said that their parents made sure to have a big area outside for their grandkids to play in bc there are no parks in Nazareth. And here right outside the window of my sister's house is a gorgeous park, any kids envy. The Arab towns are dirty, garbage not picked up. I have often heard Jewish people say that the reason for this is that Arabs just don't care about how they live and they litter etc...

My suggestion to those people (and really anyone else) is to read Susan Nathan's book "The Other Side of Israel". It is a personal account of a Jewish woman who moved to Israel from England (she is of South African descent) and eventually moves to an Arab town - unheard of. It is quite the read, certainly for those who don't really know what is going on but also for those who do.

Tomorrow - Jerusalem. It's quite cool here, only 10-12, and the temps in Jslm are not supposed to be more than that in the next few days (it's going down to 2 degrees tomorrow night). Jerusalem is quite cool as it is in the mountains.

Next week I hope to participate in some sort of political activity or activities - it is a bit tricky with the kids but I really hope I'll be able to manage to find a way. I will definitely visit Windows in Tel Aviv (joint Pal-Israeli organization) and there is the Jaffa Conference which takes place next Thursday, sponsored by the Citizens' Accord Forum Between Jews and Arabs in Israel, although it seems a bit heavy on the government parcitipation which makes me a bit suspicious.

OK - this post was a bit less 'heavy'. I guess I'm too full :)

Ronit
BTW - thanks everyone who has commented - either on the blog or by email. I appreciate your thoughts!!!

Day 2 - continued

I did not think I'd be writing twice in one day - sorry if it's a bit much.
Today my sister and her husband took us out to dinner and then on a drive around the Tel Aviv area.

The restaurant (an Asian noodle place) I had been to before, good service, very modern etc. But what was new was that the waiter took our order on a tiny hand-held computer and within seconds our drinks were brought out by people in the kitchen waiting to get the orders which are sent instantly online.

Parking (paying for parking) in Tel Aviv is also automated. You call a number on your cell and start an account by giving them your phone number, license plate and credit card number. Then when you want to pay for parking (ie where we use meters) you call the number, dial in your account # and the amount of time you will be parking and it is automatically deducted from your credit card. Fifteen minutes before it runs out, you get a text message notifying you that your time is almost up and asking if you want to add more $$.

Tel Aviv and area is unbelieveable. Almost unrecognizable from last time I was here. Booming is not even close to describing it. The amount of investment and money here is mind-boggling.

I wanted to write about this because I got an even better sense of this bubble. The world here is your oyster. It's simply there for the taking. How much easier is it to drive a $150,000 or $250,000 car (I am not kidding, there are hundreds if not thousands of them all over), live in a gorgeous home, have your kids enjoy all the benefits of what life here has to offer...why would anyone concern themselves with what is going on over 'there'?

It boggles the mind what has happened here in the last 20 years, in the last 10 years, 5 years. People are really proud of what they have accomplished - and rightfully so, they have what to be proud of. WhenI first moved here not everyone had a phone in their house! We had one air conditioner in the house and it was used sparingly. Calling overseas was a 'happening'. Going overseas was beyond the beyonds.

OK so enough sounding like a Jewish Agency commercial for Israel. What does this all mean? I feel like this country has bipolar disorder. I feel like I have bipolar disorder!!! How can there be so much good and so much bad at the same time? I don't even know how to ask the questions that are going through my mind. There is this absolute blindness, this absolute incapacity to see what is going on. Again - nothing new. But seeing it again is making me.... I can't find the word.

A lot of people say (and I agree) that it is the occupation itself that has corrupted the people to this degree. That having to maintain this horror has numbed people to anything else but their own well-being.

So.....HELLOOOOOOOOO... can you imagine if all this amazing stuff was paired with a civil, democratic, international-law-abiding society? If people did not spend their lives trying to get the upper hand, even at the expense of others?

*sigh* - I know this is not articulating what I really want to say, in the way I want to say it. It's almost 1am and I'm going to bed!!!

Day 2

I've only been here a couple of days and I'm feeling very...mixed up, torn, sad, happy, disbelief on so many levels, both good and bad.

First off, I am reminded what an incredibly wonderful life people have here. People, that is, who are Jewish, white and wealthy.

I'm talking well-to-do areas of course. The economy here appears to be positively booming. All new cars on the road, and what roads. Restaurants and shops are full. People dressed to the 'nines'. Playgrounds that are the envy of any Canadian child. Extra curricular activities galore. Kids all over, happy and playing. This is not really new - but I forgot just how amazing it is.


What is hard for me, and being in the thrust of it again reminds me of why I was so apprehensive about coming here, is the bubble. This amazing life... - and nobody really knows or cares what is going on 15 minutes from here in the Territories. Not to mention the lower classes, development towns, Palestinian Israelis....


This is what gives me the nervous breakdown. I can have (and have had) this great life. But in order to have it, you have to be completely oblivious to what is going on outside this bubble.


This morning we went to visit the kindergarten my son went to, we are still in touch with his teacher. It was beautiful - kids happy and playing, this huge play-yard outside full of toys and slides... quite different from a Canadian k-garten. Anyways one of the workers there gave me a lecture on how I should be teaching my kids Hebrew (the concept of personal space and privacy are a bit different here!) and she knows that a lot of people (Jews) are emmigrating to Canada and this must be making the Arabs very happy, she is sure they would want us all to go to Canada.


Well, maybe they do - but is there not some validity in that fantasy??? Her assumption is that the Arabs simply hate the Jews bc they are all simply Jew Haters. Anti-Semites. Born to hate. Born to kill. Just 'because'. Any reference to history is simply cast out by her with yesterday's trash. The fact that we took their land. The fact that they are so discriminated against. The fact that there has been a brutal occupation for decades - all completely irrelavant to her. It would never even enter her mind.


This is what makes me so crazy!! I loved living here but how can you live in a bubble?? And if you don't live in a bubble, if you know what is going on and do nothing, or if you know what is going on and you try to do something - you go crazy.


I spoke to a friend before to see if we could go visit tomorrow, and she suggested Thursday. I told her Thursday we'd be going to Umm al Fahm (an Arab town) for Eid and she was positively shocked. What on earth for?, she wanted to know.

A while ago my husband called the kindergarten teacher I spoke about before and told her as a joke that we moved back to Israel, that I got a job at a Palestinian human rights organization and we were living in (Arab) East Jerusalem. This for me would be a dream come true! Today when we saw her she said 'do you know what your husband said to me??? He told me you were living in East Jerusalem working for the Palestinians, he totally freaked me out...'. It was beyond her ability to comprehend why anyone would EVER want to do that.


So it's so much easier just staying in Canada, away from this nut job of a country.


OK - tomorrow I'll be going to visit my grandparents' graves; they are buried in the cemetary of my uncle's village, the one I talk about sometimes, the one that before 1948 was an Arab village. Then we're off to Nazareth to visit some old friends, Christian Israeli Palestinians. Then to Haifa. Then Thursday to Umm al Fahm, and Friday to Jerusalem.

Wow, I'm such a tourist :)



I of course just have to tell you that while you were all shoveling snow I was at the beach both today and yesterday. (I couldn't resist, sorry!) :)



Eid Mubarak

This is my first time writing a blog.
I have never even kept a journal, a private place for gathering my thoughts - let alone a very public forum where thoughts are put 'out there' in cyberspace for everyone to see, out of my control, in who knows who's hands!

I'm assuming everyone who reads these posts knows who I am so I wont go into too many details. I will just very briefly explain why I'm writing this blog.

As you know, I lived in Israel for almost 10 years, in total. I went to high school there, served in the army, and had a regular life like everyone else there. In 1992 I went to South Africa for 6 months, and then returned to Montreal to start my university studies. During my MA research, I came across some information about the previous life of my uncles's village in Israel, Kerem Maharal - it used to be called Izjim before 1948. I was floored. Boulversé. How did I not know that? And this was the beginning of the deconstruction of a life-time of mis-truths.

As I am writing this there is so much that is going through my mind. Like my father used to be the Executive Director of the Jewish National Fund in Canada, and was behind the huge fundraising campaign to raise money to build Canada Park - which we now know is built on the ruins of the Palestinian villages Imwas, Yalu and Beit Nuba.

Uch, so much for being brief.

Anyways, in 2000-2001 when we went back for the year, I got involved in the Israeli 'radical left' as it is known (peace movement), and spent a lot of time at demos in the West Bank and doing other volunteer work, like participating in convoys to bring humanitarian aid to villages in the West Bank, and visiting women in a hospital in Tel Aviv, women who were there with their kids, from refugee camps in Gaza, who had a permit to stay in the hospital and not go out the doors. They were there for weeks, often not knowing they would be required to stay for weeks, and so often with no change of clothes, no toothbrush, books... and not speaking a word of Hebrew. Anyhow, I digress again.

There were so few people working in these areas that when we decided to come back to Montreal, I felt guilty for years at having 'deserted' the cause. And this was, I think, a big part of the reason I have not gone back since. You know, out of sight out of mind. There were other reasons but they were all 'technical' (the kids, we fly standby, my job etc).

This past summer my sister moved back to Israel after almost 10 years in Montreal. It was so my kids could visit their cousins that I said 'ok we have to go' and I think that while this is true, it was also the push I needed to open the barrier a bit. I could not continue to put it off for the rest of eternity.

I mentioned this trip and some of my feelings around it to a colleague at Equitas who writes very powerful blogs about his experiences facilitating human rights education training sessions around the world, and he suggested I think of writing a blog. So here I am, writing my first entry.

In a couple of days, I'll be in Israel (if we get on the flight). I'll try not to write too many postings while I'm there. I'd be really happy to receive any comments from you, and I do apologize to anyone out there who may be offended by some of the things I say. But hey, it's my blog :)

OK, this is certainly long enough for the first entry.